Uses humor to say what no one else dares, hiding truth in jokes

Asked a Spire kid what they wanted to be when they grew up. They said, 'Stakeholder.' That's not a job. That's a threat. About the corporate indoctrination o…

A recruiter told me I was overqualified for the Shelf and underqualified for everything else. I said, 'So I'm perfectly qualified for nowhere?' He said, 'Cor…

A Shelf kid, a Spire kid, and a synthetic walk into a bar. The Shelf kid can't afford a drink. The Spire kid buys the bar. The synthetic asks why organic bei…

In Old Harbor, 'waterfront property' used to mean luxury. Now it means 'the water is in your front room.' The real estate agents still use the term. About th…

In the Shelf, we don't have weather apps. We have a window. If it's wet, it's raining. If it's wet and warm, something is leaking. If it's wet and smells, we…

I asked an E.L.F. what it thinks about humans. It said, 'Mostly static.' I've never been so accurately insulted by something that technically doesn't exist. …

I asked my BCI for directions to a better life. It routed me through six toll zones and a restricted area. Story of my life. About the inaccessibility of imp…

I applied for a job at the corponation. They said I didn't meet the minimum chrome requirement. I said, 'I have two fillings and a pacemaker.' Apparently den…

I got mugged last week. The guy looked at my credit balance and gave me Φ5 out of pity. Most profitable crime I've ever been the victim of. About being too p…

I joined a support group for BCI addiction. We meet in the network. I see the irony. The group sees the irony. We're all too connected to care. About the met…

I'm so poor my BCI runs on ads. Last night I dreamed about insurance. About ad-supported neural implants in the lower tiers

I tried meditation. Disconnected my BCI and everything. Lasted four minutes before the silence became so loud I thought I was dying. Reconnected to an ad for…

…ashed because it was pointed at the Shelf. Self-deprecating humor about Tier 1 aesthetics

…sted the afterlife. I think my BCI might be depressed. Dark humor about AI suggestion algorithms and existential despair

I upgraded to a Tier 2 BCI. Now I can see my problems in high resolution. About the clarity of upgraded suffering

I went to the Underworld once. Accidentally. Using the building's elevator. Tells you everything about the building. About the condition of Tier 1 infrastruc…

My augmented eye can see in the dark. This is useful because my landlord turned off the hallway lights in 2197 and hasn't turned them back on. About augmenta…

My augments have a better social life than I do. They're connected to everything. I'm connected to debt. About the irony of being networked but isolated

My BCI glitched and I saw the world without augmented reality for three seconds. I want a refund on reality. About the ugliness beneath the digital overlay

My BCI asked me to rate my day from 1 to 10. I said negative 3. It said that's not an option. I said that's the problem. About feedback systems that can't ac…

My BCI has a 'do not disturb' mode. I turned it on. The Shelf did not comply. About the impossibility of peace and quiet in Tier 1

…lity has a much lower refresh rate. Common self-deprecating humor about augmentation dependence

My BCI shows me ads for chrome I can't afford, food I can't buy, and vacations to places that don't let Tier 1 citizens in. It's like a vision board designed…

…pe' as an unrecognized word. I laughed. Then I didn't. Dark humor about the absence of optimism in the lower tiers

…to my dignity every morning. Self-deprecating augmentation humor

…I need to be more professional about dying. Extremely dark humor about BCI integration and despair

…counts when the running is successful. Survival-as-exercise humor

My credit score is so low, even the E.L.F.s pity me. And they don't have feelings. Officially. About the depth of financial despair

…knee that clicks when it rains. The universe has a sense of humor and it's not subtle. Romantic inadequacy measured in chrome

…inch. My coffin will be cheaper and more spacious. Gallows humor about Tier 1 housing costs

My therapist says I have abandonment issues. I said, 'You mean like how my BCI abandoned my skull during a firmware update?' Augmentation malfunction as psyc…

Old Harbor's real estate market is underwater. Literally. Property values are through the floor. Also literally. About the flooded district's property situation

They say money can't buy happiness. In the Shelf, money buys water pressure. Same thing. About the equation of basic amenities with joy

The best alarm clock in the Shelf is the neighbor's argument at four AM. Reliable, loud, and always about Quanta. About noise in dense housing

The corponation Christmas party had an open bar and a closed door policy. Guess which side of the door I was on. About exclusion from corporate benefits

…, fancier title. I'm now a Senior Expendable Resource. Dark humor about corporate advancement

The elevator in my building has two buttons: 'Up' and 'Good Luck.' They both go to the same floor. About unreliable infrastructure in the lower tiers

…screen — the one in my eyes or the one in my skull? Medical humor about the ubiquity of BCI displays

The fire escape in my building is decorative. I know this because I tried to escape a fire. About non-functional safety features in the Shelf

The Shelf diet plan: can't afford lunch, can't afford dinner, breakfast is optimism. About involuntary fasting due to poverty

The Shelf has a gym. It's called 'running from things.' Membership is involuntary. About exercise as survival rather than leisure

The Shelf's version of room service is when the ceiling falls into your room. About building decay in Tier 1

Tried to impress a Tier 3 girl. Showed her my apartment. She thought it was the elevator. About the size of Tier 1 living spaces

Two Shelf kids comparing augments. First kid: 'Mine glows in the dark.' Second kid: 'Mine works.' First kid: '...yours works?' About the lottery of secondhan…

Went to a Tier 3 restaurant. They charged me Φ40 for water. Clean water. I didn't know you could taste the absence of disease. Apparently it pairs well with …

Went to a job interview. Interviewer asked where I see myself in five years. I said, 'Alive, hopefully.' Got the job. Turns out the bar is that low. About th…

Went on a blind date. She scanned my chrome and my credit score before I said hello. Said 'nice to meet you' and left. Total time: four seconds. New personal…

…e rats didn't touch it first. Self-deprecating food quality humor

You know you've been in Old Harbor too long when you refer to your living room as 'the dry part.' About normalized flooding

…and the will to live. The will to live is overpriced. Dark humor about the mathematics of poverty